Scorecard

Letchworth III v Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club 3rd XI on Sat 29 Aug 2009 at 13:30
Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club Lost by 58 runs

Match report Just two games to go and no chance of promotion or relegation. As a Huddersfield Town supporter, I should be used to this kind of fizzleplop (that's the sound of an over-hyped firework landing in a bucket of porridge) end to a season. But after showing so much potential earlier in the summer, I can't help but be a bit disappointed with the way things have turned out. Now I know how my mum feels.

Over the past few months, there have been some wonderful performances – both team and individual – and I shall talk about these in more detail in next week's final match report and season recap (well, why not?). But, for now, I will move immediately to inform you about our most recent fixture.

With a few youngsters coming in to bolster the spine of a degenerating team which is losing, on average, one vertebrae per week to other sides within the club, we arrived in dribs and drabs at the converted former mental institute that is Fairfield Park, home to Letchworth III XI.

Ah, I see you have spotted that I am making excuses before we even begin. You're quite correct. So I'll skip straight to the action.

With the captain and two senior 'pro's' stuck in transit behind a bridal horse and carriage – full to brimming with a heady cocktail of best British corned beef and fine French lace – an Alicante-frazzled Kit Hutcheson tossed up. Unsurprisingly, given that we were numbering just five at this point, their mower-mad skipper invited us to take to the field, which he then continued to mow, right up until the very last second before play commenced.

Oh, hello. This lad can bat.

From the off, their young, left-handed opener hammered us all over the park and after just 10 overs they were 70-odd for nowt. Did I not like that.

Thank goodness he got himself out at this point and hitting impetuously across the line, skying a ball that eventually landed in the fat, sausagey fingers of a backward square Stuart Fox (he may be a little bit backward but he’s certainly no square – cue slide trombone).

We then pegged them back good and proper, with James Hutchmeup bowling his medium-paced off breaks to good effect and Big Arjun hurling down 75 mph off spin at the other end. It’s worth noting that, whilst none of us saw Arjun’s first faster ball, he definitely bowled it. We all heard it thump into the chest of our stumper, Mike P.

Boom shake the room. Anyone else notice the other-worldly acoustics at this ground?

Remarkably, our fielding was also excellent (most notably by the youngsters), something that has not been the case for much of the season and has cost us dearly at times. However, after such a quick-fire start it was inevitable that Letchworth would post 200+, especially given the short boundaries and fast outfield. And so, with some solid batting from their middle order, it came to pass that they were able to declare on 234-5 after 51 overs.

But what’s all this about smashed fingers?

I was informed by a little birdie at tea that towards the end of their innings, as World Mike Webb thrust his infamous brandy-snap digits in the way of a well-hit catching opportunity, the inevitable happened. So Mr. Chips set off for A&E clutching a hand-shaped bag of broken butter-finger-biscuits. He would not be able to open the batting as planned.

During the break, I also learned that young Kit had managed to badly burn his right foot (but nothing else?) during his recent cultural sojourn in Alicante. As he stared maniacally through me, he assured me that, just as his blistered, weeping hoof had not prevented him from touring the many art galleries, museums and poetry symposiums of the Costa Blanca, neither would it prevent him from batting. I have seen that look before though – in the photographs of soldiers from the Vietnam War.

Mike P admirably volunteered to step in and fill Mike W's boots but, sadly, he was back in the changing rooms all too soon after one ‘kept low’ on him. Meanwhile, at the other end, Stefano was carving glorious shapes in the air with his Gray Nicholls lightsaber and looked set to provide the anchor we desperately needed to get somewhere near their total.

The skipper joined him at the wicket, leaving a few wide balls before missing a straight one that clean bowled him. He was soon followed by Joe Coakley, also clean bowled. However, had Joe connected with the ball that got him, I think it may have landed somewhere near the Sea of Tranquility (although I’m not too sure about the physics involved in this ludicrous claim, if I’m honest).

Following Joe back to the pavilion was Stef. The force having deserted him, Stef immediately got changed and went in search of the nearest garage to buy something secret (you'll have to ask him what it was though, he wouldn’t tell us – his email is address is lightsaberdare@hotmail.com).

Top four gone and less than 50 on the board. Just what we needed. Step forward Nick Hughes (60 n.o.) and Arjun Chopra (43), who put on almost 100, including some mighty big maximums. Scroll down and look at the economy column of bowlers Croucher, Hurst and B. Smith to see for yourself how these too young lads rattled the score along. In fact, had they stayed together for just a few more overs, the game could have ended differently.

As it was, Arjun was out, caught behind and stumped (he's a big lad, and they wanted to make sure), exposing Kit Hutcheson (two balls) James Hutchmenow-Paymelater (two balls) and Sharky Sharokh (not many balls) to the bowling of one D. Smith – 2.0-2-0-4 (quite a spell). Stand-in last man, Foxy, then joined Nick to make some late hay with his late-hay-making shots but, with World Mike Webb still at the hospital, the 234 arks seemed far too large.

It was: Fox, bowled Holder, for 25.

So, with the game won, and without further ado, Letchworth III’s skipper hopped back on his mower and began taking off the 0.00005 mm of grass that had grown during the course of the match. I will leave you now with your penultimate, for this season, extra-ordinary cricketer from J.L. Carr's dictionary. This one’s for you, Stef:

The Revd. J. G. Crawford was the only objector to a 1902 M.C C. motion that the bowling crease be increased from seventy-eight inches to eighty inches but refused to give his reason why to the Chairman. (Just what did you buy at the garage, Stef?)

Letchworth III Batting
Player name Runs
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 5 wickets
0
234 (0.0 overs)
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Shahrokh Navaee16.0375237.504.69
Stuart Fox5.0034134.006.80
James Hutcheson16.0454154.003.38
Arjun Chopra10.003400.003.40
Nick Hughes4.003000.007.50

Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 10 wickets
0
176
(0.0 overs)		    
Stefano Da Re Bowled  Holder 13 2
Michael Pratt Bowled  Holder 1 1
Matt Crutchlow Bowled  Munson 0
Joe Coakley Bowled  Holder 9
Nick Hughes Not Out  64 1
Arjun Chopra Caught  D. Smith 43
Kit Hutcheson Caught  D. Smith 0
James Hutcheson Caught  D. Smith 0
Shahrokh Navaee Caught  D. Smith 7
Stuart Fox Bowled  Holder 25 1
Mike Webb  

Letchworth III Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Holder9.5157414.255.80
Munson7.0218118.002.57
Croucher4.012800.007.00
Hurst5.004600.009.20
D. Smith2.02040.000.00
B. Smith1.002600.0026.00

  • Umpire :
    Bob Chandler
  • Scorer :