Scorecard

Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club 3rd XI v Southgate Compton on Sat 08 Aug 2009 at 13:30
Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club Won by 5 wickets

Match report When I click my fingers, you will all believe you are top-quality batsmen in prime form, capable of scoring runs freely. You will be able to chase down 200+ for sh*ts and giggles.

3-2-1 and you’re back in the room...

I don’t know if any of our batsmen actually consulted Paul Mckenna before last Saturday’s game against Southgate Compton. But if they did, it was well worth the money.

Obviously, I put the turnaround in our batting fortunes down to certain people taking onboard the salient points of my understated team talks. Either that, or they were frightened into form by Charlie’s thunderous ravings: ‘By Christ, we shall have runs, sir! Or suede loafers will fly, sir!’ I believe fear is second only to guilt as a motivational force. And after the trot our batsmen have had of late, the changing room was awash with both.

But on to the game.

Now this lot, Southgate Compton, were – and still are – flying high. But it was a must-win fixture for TMs III team so, of course, we approached the game with characteristic, er, what’s the opposite of verve? It will suffice to say this one thing in summation of our preparations: Hilton forgot his boots. Again.

So, toss won and...

...all together now...

...I stuck ‘em in!

(Stick ‘em in... No messing about...30 points a must... RUN AVOIDANCE... sh*t or bust... value our wickets... Chris Namus... Not there, Charlie, don’t bowl it there for goodness’ sake... these are just a few of my sleep-talking outbursts this week, or so I am told by Tracy.)

But, as I said, on to the game.

Early doors and no dramas. A couple of wickets in the bag and the runs were slow in coming. Then, 10 overs in, we were introduced to Mr. Vulimiri (sic), a man with a fine eye for the ball and a fetching moustache for the ladies.

He immediately began smashing said ball to all corners (well, cow corner). In fact, during his innings of 111 n.o., he hit just the one shot on the ground (a glorious cover drive for four, which had me wondering why, after such a wonderful result, he didn’t play orthodox cricket shots more often. I fear it is because they are worth, at the very least, two runs less). Everything else was hit in the air – albeit hit rather hard and over the boundary rope on quite a few occasions.

Of course, the old adage ‘there’s no such thing as a bad hundred’ is used most often by the batting side, and whilst yon lad did thrape some balls well past the turning for Tonk Town, it wasn’t a knock that was particularly easy on the eye. Rodney but Lionel, as they say (Rodney Marsh but Lionel Blair).

To make matters worse, we put him down. We put him down lots. And by that I don’t mean we questioned the parentage of his moustache. With the trap set, a catch was clumsied at cow corner off C-Lo. And that wasn’t the first instance of buttery finger-work. Neither was it the last. Seven times we dropped Mr. Vulimiri and how we paid. 224-6 could so easily have been 140 all out. Moustache bristling, Mr. Vulimiri took a fancy first to Charlie, and then Stefano, dispatching them to the boundary with religious fervour.

Yikes.

In the field, only young Kit Hutcheson kept going until the end, clawing back two certain boundaries and saving four runs that would prove crucial three hours later. Sadly though, the heat of the afternoon had gotten to Kit, and his pop-culture sledging took on a physchedelic bent:

‘Before you slip into unconsciousness I’d like to have another kiss. Another flashing chance at bliss. Another kiss, another kiss’, he told Mr. Vulimiri.

Thwack, Mr. Vulimiri smashed another six.

‘Lime and limpid green, a second scene. A fight between the blue you once knew. Floating down, the sound resounds. Around the icy waters underground. 
Jupiter and Saturn, Oberon, Miranda. And Titania, Neptune, Titan. 
Stars can frighten’, Kit whispered to Mr. Vulimiri between overs.

Crash, bang, wallop. Another boundary-laden six balls for Mr. Vulimiri.

I am the walrus? Mr. Vulimiri certainly had the ‘tashe for it.

Oh well. 224. Not a problem. We have, if you remember, a host of top-quality batsmen in prime form, capable of scoring runs freely.

Ah, yes.

So we begin. One ball, one wicket: 0-1. Stefano gone, caught down the legside very first ball. This brought a partially-dressed Hilton rushing to the middle, still sporting the old boots he’d found in the opposition’s changing room. And in the middle Hilton stayed for more than 30 overs, outscoring the Skipper by a factor of three to one and pushing our total on to 130-1 with an excellent 85. Then, sadly, with the need to get a shift on, Hilton was caught out and the Skipper clean bowled whilst plane-spotting.

Ooof.

In came Pablo at a crucial time. And the young man played a blinder, scoring a brisk 34 and keeping us in touch with the required run rate, before falling lbw. With Rahil holing out for 1, our fate was in the hands of Arjun and Sharokh.

Ah, Big Arjun, or Big’un for short. He belted a couple of huge sixes in a quick-fire 38 n.o., as did Sharokh (18 n.o.) and the result was never in doubt. Honest. Two balls to spare as planned (cough). Job done.

Of course, we must win again this week. And with Low, the talismaniac Vice Captain, missing, there are 27 overs with someone’s name on them. But whose? Tune in next week to find out what happened to Charlie’s overs...

In Arjun, we have, it appears, discovered our very own Gilbert Jessop:

Gilbert Jessop, Glos., b. Cheltenham, 1874, a shortish man dreaded by the Civil Service Commissioners and Merchant Banks as the most effective office-emptier in history, his average hourly scoring-rate being 80 runs. He assaulted bowling, redirecting balls like stones from a catapult. His 1902 innings of 104 in 77 minutes when England, needing 200, were 48 for 5, can only be compared with Henry V’s speech before Harfleur. His cricket career ended in 1916 when he was forgotten in a heat-treatment box.

Southgate Compton Batting
Player name Runs
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 6 wickets
0
224 (0.0 overs)
A. Heaney Caught  Chowdhury bowled C. Low 0
S. Shah Lbw  S. Navaee 23
R. Fahey Bowled  S. Navaee 11
M. Vulimiri Not Out  111
A. Frame Caught  K, Hutcheson bowled S. Navaee 6
L. Frame Caught  S. D Re bowled S. Navee 26
D. Anderson Bowled  Z. Chowdhury 13
A. Shah Not Out  3
   
   
   

Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Charles Low17.0265165.003.82
Zakuan Chowdhury8.0135135.004.38
Shahrokh Navaee22.0664416.002.91
Stefano Da Re6.005000.008.33

Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 5 wickets
0
227
(0.0 overs)		    
Stefano Da Re Caught  Nicholls bowled L. Frame 0 1
Matt Crutchlow Bowled  A. Frame 36
Hilton Nathanson Caught  Shah bowled Heaney 85
Pablo Martin Lbw  C. Frame 34
Rahil Shezad Caught  Willis bowled Heaney 1
Arjun Chopra Not Out  38
Shahrokh Navaee Not Out  18
Kit Hutcheson   1
Ketan Shah  
Zakuan Chowdhury  
Charles Low  

Southgate Compton Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
L. Frame 13.4258158.004.24
C. Frame 10.0046146.004.60
A. Frame 12.0362162.005.17
M. Willis 5.002300.004.60
A. Heaney 6.0128214.004.67

  • Umpire :
    Bob Chandler
  • Scorer :