Scorecard

Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club 2nd XI v Eversholt on Sat 03 Jul 2010 at 1:00pm
Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club Won by 16 runs

Match report New balls? No need, TMs 2nd XI have orbs of steel...

LONG SENTENCE ALERT: There now follows a rather long sentence.

With the kind of unbelievable belief that saw Emile Heskey put his World Cup nightmare behind him by donning a dress and powering his way to the Wibbleydon Ladies title, so TMs 2nd XI refused to throw in the towel when seemingly beaten and completed a spectacular comeback that left Eversholt feeling as sick as a daisy, whilst we flew over the moon on a parrot.

1st INNINGS

Having won the toss, Eversholt elected to serve first (not sure about this tennis theme). They opened with Simon Avis – not to be confused with their first change bowler Simon Davis or even Mavis Davis who, being one of the dinner ladies at my old school, was a rather good server too. Avis bowled well, delivering the ball consistently just short of a good length, which is a very good length at The Ridge if you’re bowling straight, and Mr Avis was.

The going for TMs was tough and slow, like an armadillo. Waleed Khan (9) double faulted early doors and so Pete Leslie (9), along with number three, Matt Crutchlow (38), blocked and parried with much fortitude to prevent the further loss of wickets.

So it was 15+ overs of Zzzzzz.

Then, suddenly, it all went off. Pete was out, playing on whilst attempting a cut (A CUT? AT THE RIDGE?) and in came Mani Periyasami (18) who panned two balls – including the first full toss of the game – through the covers to the boundary.

Despite this flurry of runs, the score was barely 60 off 26 overs and it was clear that we needed to abandon our defensive baseline game and attack the net. This, the hapless Crutchlow attempted to do by flailing ineptly at a very wide ball which was edged and caught one-handed by their wicketkeeper (more about this urchin in the tea break).

The dervish Hassan Ali took the reins and whirled away in his inimitable style, managing to hammer the ball into the back of his front leg TWICE during his useful contribution of 26.

When Sarfraz ‘Sick Note’ Ahmed (4) departed after a single gorgeous cover-driven boundary, we were wobbling at 90-5 off 37 overs. Luckily for us, his replacement, Joe ‘Mighty Young’ Askham (20), carried on where he left off the previous week, timing the ball sweetly and giving the run rate a much-needed shot in the arm (I’ll have that pint on Saturday, Joe).

Unfortunately, Joe holed out with a punched drive to long off before he got fully into his stride. Had he gone through with the shot, the ball could well have landed in SW19. As it was, newly-wed Nozmul Hussain arrived at the crease adding a further 20 to the total during his brief innings.

Following newly-wed Nozmul Hussain's departure (clean bowled), doughty skipper Rizwan ‘The Rizla’ Siddiqui thudded to the wicket and spread wide his mighty legs to take guard. The Rizla then set about the ball like a cuckolded panel beater, hammering a priceless 26 n.o. (including a straight six that never got above three feet off the ground) and ensuring that, whilst we didn’t quite make it to 200+, our destination was Bill Oddie Close. Number 197 to be precise.

TEA

Tea wasn’t quite strawberries and champagne, but there was still the usual rush to gobble down Tim’s succulent meat and veg. Like so many other teams before them, Eversholt were surprised and delighted by the high-class fare served up by former Secret Army Soldier, Tim Tookey-Dickson, who is currently on secondment in the woods of Northumberland.

Looking around the tearoom, I concluded that hair-straighteners must be all-the-rage in Eversholt because a third of their players were sporting beautifully ironed MyFly Barnets. The longest, and straightest, of these was atop their wicketkeeper who, when he first arrived at the ground, we all thought was suffering from whiplash. However, it soon became apparent that, in order to keep his comely mane out of his mince pies whilst stumping, he had to cock his head to one side, like a perplexed Labrador. So vanity, rather than whiplash, was the affliction.

But enough bitching already. Let's focus our attention back on Centre Court.

The Rizla called for hush as he commenced his self, er, all-important team talk. We were still in this game... keep things tight and see what happens... they’ll start to panic... wickets will fall... etc. etc. All good and stirring stuff. And so, TMs took to the field determined to engage in acts of derring-do and give The Rizla the start he craved.

2nd INNINGS

Sadly, after just two overs, Eversholt were 21-0 with their opening batsmen, N. Farmer and S. Litchfield (a dead ringer for former No.1 British ladies tennis player Jo Durie, by the way) swaggering about like John Wayne and, well, Jo Durie. There were some cracking shots played by this unconventional mixed doubles pairing, including one exquisite cover drive by John Wayne and an exceptional back-foot drive-volley through point by Jo Durie.

It was the worst possible start for us and, sadly, these two batsmen, along with their solid number three, continued to play very well indeed, taking the score on to 101-1 from just 19 overs. With the game slipping away, TMs desperately needed something to happen.

Step forward one fortified head groundsman.

With the sun beating down misanthropically, there was no danger of a rain break, but this didn’t stop TMs very own Cliff Richard – Nick Weston-Lewis – belting out his ‘greatest hits’ from his throne in the Royally Boxed.

For the entertainment of spectators and players alike, Nick began with an hour-long rendition of the traditional folk song ‘Corn the Ridge’ before segueing into the Rock ‘N’ Roll holler of ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Great Fielding’ and ending on the plaintive paean to the top shelf that is ‘Ah, Well, That’s The Thing You See’.

Meanwhile, back on the field, The Rizla had decided to employ top spin (groan) in the form of Arun M., who bowled excellently throughout a single spell of 16.2-3-53-3. Arun’s consistency brought the breakthrough we needed, as their number three heaved one into the safe hands (ahem) of Pete Leslie in the deep. When their stumper, Vanity McFly, was then snaffled at slip, we began to believe that we could actually win this game.

It was 153-5 when Waleed and Arun combined to complete a marvellous run out and we could sense that Eversholt were beginning to get nervous. Our feelings were confirmed when The Rizla aced Jo Durie, sending stumps flying and putting us in the box seat for the first time in the game. Advantage TMs.

Then, their big-hitting number seven lobbed one high in the air. Long on, Ollie Ridout, was under it and...

...dropped it. Deuce.

Eventually, their number seven did pop a catch up to newly-wed Nozmul Hussain, and in came their non-bowling number eight – proof if proof were needed that Eversholt bat a long way down. Sadly for the opposition, newly-wed Nozmul Hussain was brought back on to bowl and he sent the unfortunate number eight straight back to the pavilion.

We were now into the tail and with their last three batsmen having bowled the bulk of 53 overs in blazing heat, the last thing they wanted to have to do was win the game with the bat. Which is handy for them, because they didn’t.

Instead, newly-wed Nozmul Hussain took two further wickets, conceding no runs in the process and finishing with heroic figures of 9.0-1-37-4.

So, nine down, 16 needed and Arun to continue.

Our game young tweaker tossed the very first delivery high, inviting the tail-ender to smite, which he duly did, straight up in the air. And who was under the catch? Non other than newly-wed Nozmul Hussain, who took it safely, honouring our Bhabi-jaan in fine style.

With the catch held, the TMs fans went wild out on Hussain Hill – and why not? After all, it was only our second victory of the season. Game, set and match to TMs.

Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club 2nd XI Batting
197 for 9
Player Name RunsCatchesStumpingsRun outs
Peter Leslie Bowled  9 1
Waleed Khan Caught  9
Matt Crutchlow Caught  38 1
Mani Periyasami Bowled  18
Hassan Ali Caught  26
Sarfraz Ahmed Caught  4
Joseph Askham Caught  26 1
Nozmul Hussain Bowled  20 2
Rizwan Siddiqui Not Out  26
Arun Madhasaravanan Caught  8
Oliver Ridout Not Out  2

Eversholt Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.

Eversholt Batting
181 for 10
Player name Runs
N Farmer Bowled  Hussain 17
S Litchfield Bowled  Siddiqui 78
B Nicols Caught  Arun 30
J Nicols Caught  Ahmed 6
A Litchfield Run out  17
J Fuller Caught  Arun 8
R Garrat Caught  Hussain 5
P Jani Lbw  Hussain 6
A Macmillan Caught  Arun 1
S Avis Bowled  Hussain 0
S Chaplin Not Out  0

Totteridge Millhillians Cricket Club 2nd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Nozmul Hussain9.013749.254.11
Rizwan Siddiqui9.0139139.004.33
Oliver Ridout4.002400.006.00
Arun Madhasaravanan16.2353317.673.24
Sarfraz Ahmed5.0115115.003.00

  • Umpire :
    Ali Kazmi
  • Scorer :
    team